The Glossed Over Blog

I spent the summer working with children in both a school and daycare setting. All summer long, I have dealt with burnout, lack of sleep, and feeling like I have no time to myself. But, I’ve also felt so rewarded and loved by the children I spent so much of my time with. That’s what drove me to study elementary education. 

It is very demanding job but there’s nothing else that gives me the level of satisfaction like finally reaching a kid you’ve been trying to connect with for weeks. Or walking into a classroom and being swarmed by five-year-olds shouting, “Ms. K! Ms. K!” 

However, the truth is I am not going to tell you all my tips and tricks for working with children because I refuse to be liable in giving you advice that will turn out to be no good. I’m still trying to figure out what kind of educator I want to be. Some days being gentle works perfectly and other days, it gets my feelings hurt by a five year old. Maybe that truly is just the life of an educator but I can’t tell you whether or not that’s true. I still haven’t found my rhythm in teaching so I cannot tell you any good advice on how to find yours.

But what I do know is that this summer showed me more about myself than any class or part-time job ever has. Though, just so we’re clear, I’m no expert and do not claim to be. I have lots of experience in working with kids but through the lens of an assistant teacher, a classroom helper, and a tutor. I simply just want to share my experience of how I feel about this glimpse of what the rest of my life is going to be like and what I learned about myself along the way.

So here it is, all the things that working with kids forty-five hours a week has shown me about myself.

I Need to Give Myself More Credit

I always tell other people, “Be kind to yourself,” but I rarely follow my own advice. I have a friend I’ve known since I was twelve, and she constantly reminds me that I’m my own biggest critic. She’s  always been right when it came to that.

There were moments this summer when I was so overwhelmed, I didn’t have the patience I wanted to have. And when I lost that patience, even a little, I’d feel awful. I’d worry that the kid would be scared of me or suddenly decide they didn’t like me anymore. 

I wanted to be a teacher because I noticed too many people working with kids who just didn’t care and I never want anyone to put me in that category. But, I do care and I know I care. I am exhausted every single day and I still show up to work and try my best to show every single one of them the same amount of affection. 

l’m constantly beating myself up for not being the “picture-perfect” version of me I created in my head. But the truth is that I show up. I care. I try. That deserves credit.

Patience is a Virtue

Have you ever tried to read a book to twenty kids between the ages of five and nine? In a daycare? A school setting might be different, but a daycare?  Let me tell you, it was hard. Very hard. I tried a million different things, different strategies. I tried to be stern, I tried to be gentle. I even caught myself saying, “I’ll wait.” Oh, how the ten year old in me cried

But by the end of the summer, some of these kids were so attached to me, I literally had to peel them off. They’d sit on my lap, hug me, refuse to let go. And yes, I got the sweet ones. But I also got the ones who spit on me, hit me, and threw balls at my head.

And I stayed calm. Not every time, and never perfectly done, but I didn’t yell, or snap, and I never shut down. That’s not just patience, that’s a level of emotional regulation that should be given a reward – since we’re on the subject of giving myself more credit.

I Do, in fact, Have the Gen Z Stare

Not that kind of Gen Z stare where you hold a blank face because someone said something dumb, though I have that one too. I’m talking about the version where I just kind of forget how to interact with people.

It became super obvious when parents came to pick up their kids. I’d say a quick “Hi,” and if I was feeling brave, maybe a “How are you?” But that was usually it. My brain would just freeze. What else do you say? What do grownups talk about?

However, in my defense, the years most people spend developing their social skills, I was locked inside of my home because we were in a global pandemic. But at some point, COVID cannot be a valid excuse.

Do I have some deep reflection about this one? Not really. It’s a work in progress. And I’ve decided that’s okay.

All I’ve Ever Wanted to Do With My Life Is Help People

This summer confirmed what I’ve always known, I have a deep desire to be of service to others. To meet people where they are, not where society thinks they should be.

I found myself really gravitating towards the kids who needed a little more. A little more attention, a little more patience, a little more time and care. I gravitated towards the kids who had a hard time, I think, because it reminded me why I’m doing this in the first place. I don’t take any pride in trying to fix people, but I am prideful in my ability to empathize. 

One afternoon, I was trying to help a girl settle down for her nap. She was one of the children who needed a little more. She looked up at me and asked, “Do you still love me even when I’m not being good?” My heart melted. She really tested my patience some days, but she was a good kid, she just needed someone to remind her. She needed calm because she rarely felt calm herself. Of course, I told her yes. I told her I’d always love her, even when she wasn’t being good. And the smile she gave me after, it made me feel like I said exactly what she needed to hear.

That’s the kind of help I want to give, not the performative “do it because someone’s watching” kindness, but real, quiet support. The kind that shows up even when it’s hard. I hope I can always see people in their worst moments and still share my compassion with them. I was quite the troubled kid and I believe that was the very thing I needed. 

I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

That’s it. That’s the last one.

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, and honestly, that’s kind of the theme of this whole thing. Maybe I’ll look back at this in a year and cringe. Maybe I’ll laugh at how dramatic I was, or maybe I’ll think, “Wow, I was actually onto something.”

I was sort of winging it most of this summer and will probably continue to wing it throughout my career. I guess you’ll have to come back and see.

But I’ll keep showing up. I’ll keep telling myself I am here for a reason and find reminders in every child I connect with.

Peace & Love,

Krys K